you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
