woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize