and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
