Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
