defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
