apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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