WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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