I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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