My cat gives me a boner
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
