Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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