i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
