It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
