I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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