yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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