Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
