trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
