We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
