Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
