I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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