you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
