guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
