Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
