Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
