Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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