Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Randomize
