I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
