piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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