SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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