u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
