sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You're a waste of cheezeits
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
