You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
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Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
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casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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