I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
