Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
