i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
