I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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