I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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