i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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