what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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