Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
