Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
