I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
