i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
