So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You've changed since you got that strap on
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
