allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
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med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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