So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
