theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
