it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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