i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
