Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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