you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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