I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
