I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
