afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
