I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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