i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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