Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
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