Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
