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Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
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