With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
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he has the hands of the vagina gods.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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