Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
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you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
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Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"