Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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