sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
