just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
and she was petting her beer can
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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