just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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