you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
