How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
