I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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