I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
