apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
