Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I want a musical about memes.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
