How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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