I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
