My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
